Love is a mutual feeling. Relationships where passion, dependence, hours of waiting for a call, rare meetings, relationships at a distance, all this has nothing to do with love. Because there is neither the one who loves nor the one they love. There are no two people in such a relationship. There is no consideration of the needs and desires of the one who loves, and no personality of the one who is loved. There are strong feelings, a million thoughts, and plans, thinking over words, searching for excuses and so on. In irresponsibility, we “love” not a person for who they are, but “love” in itself. This is the victim’s love for their own torment, for a bunch of emotions that fill the spiritual life.
If you’ve been struggling with unrequited love for a long time and you don’t seem to encounter any signs of affection and love in return, then there is no need to drag out your suffering, especially when it is so easy to find a single girl online and start dating. The world is filled with beautiful people, you just have to let go off the pain that fills your heart.
Despite all the suffering, unrequited “love” is easier than being in a mature relationship. No need to adjust, see and get along with the shortcomings, to be close to a real person. It is much easier to be with a dream than with a real and living one. Think about it, when love is unrequited, then we do not see a person for who they are. We are blinded by the desire to be together or to deserve attention. But we do not know what they are like every day, what matters to them, what values they have, how they behave in different situations.
The victim of unrequited love fills their life with emotions. Inside, they are empty, alienated from their own “I” and do not understand where their personality ends, and where the stranger begins. And the victim has no idea how to make themselves happy, what they really need. In order not to encounter an unbearably frightening inner emptiness, they fill themselves with feelings and fantasies that, if they are going to be fulfilled, then the long-awaited happiness will come.
People often think and say that people who enter into “complex” relationships simply don’t think about the future — either they don’t know how or don’t want to think ahead. The problem is not in the long-term plans, but in the fact that they do not think about their future. About themselves, that is.
Such people do not have self-esteem and have no habit of taking care of themselves. But there is fear. Fear whispering in your ear: “Don’t you dare to demand respect for yourself, otherwise they will stop loving you right away!” Nobody needs you on their own, but if you serve, adapt, endure, make yourself comfortable – someday they will definitely appreciate it. They will see how good you are and will love you for it.” And this fear convinces you to do anything, to believe in any excuses, but just not to take care of yourself.
It may seem that there are two opposite extremes in which we often fall into: to love everyone except ourselves or to love only ourselves. That is, there are those who only give and those who only take. But in fact, both one and the other are about the dislike of oneself.
The first are rescuers, good girls, and boys, victims who are love unrequitedly, inclined to enter into a “difficult” relationship. Those who care about everyone but themselves. They once learned that love and warmth must be achieved be bit by bit, that intimacy and pain are inextricably linked. They buy love with suffering: “What else can I do to get warmth and attention?” So we deprive ourselves of the love of other people.
Then there are survivors. Those who are sure that other people need to be used, to rob them of all kinds of benefits. Because they themselves will not give anything to anyone. Money, time, strength is taken away from their partners. Because deep down, people who are surviving, treading their heads and destinies, are convinced of their worthlessness and badness, that they are not worthy of love. Is it just like loving yourself? Unlikely.
Recognizing this is unpleasant. Especially when you are struggling to prove to everyone that you really love yourself: how much you spit on others, enough spit to fill a pool! And we really want to believe that everything is fine with ourselves, it’s just that people are all some kind of bastards. And everything would be fine, but this is also a way to deprive oneself of human warmth. He who truly loves himself will not begin to build his life in such a way that everyone around him is an enemy, he will not deprive his beloved (that is, himself) of support and a chance for a healthy relationship.